The Worst Kind of Deja Vu

After Moses is done checking God out, God descends and describes himself a bit:

Keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, and that will by no means clear the guilty; visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children, and upon the children's children, unto the third and to the fourth generation.(34:7)

Wow, we can't even keep up the loving God angle for the length of an entire verse, can we? Seriously, am I missing something or does it seem like "mercy" and "forgiveness" in this passage have totally different (meaningless) meanings from the ones we currently employ?

God also delivers a more boring version of the Ten Commandments, and as far as I can tell it is the only set of ten commandments actually described as The Ten Commandments by the Bible itself, but for some reason nobody wants these on display at their local courthouse. The Google tells me it is referred to as the Small Covenant Code, if you are interested in learning more.

In case you really really liked God's endless specs for the Ark of the Covenant, and thought six chapters wasn't enough, you're in luck! There are ANOTHER six chapters devoted to the Ark's actual construction. Although to call these chapters "new" would be a bit of a stretch. Compare these two passages:

And thou shalt make a mercy seat of pure gold: two cubits and a half shall be the length thereof, and a cubit and a half the breadth thereof. And thou shalt make two cherubims of gold, of beaten work shalt thou make them, in the two ends of the mercy seat. And make one cherub on the one end, and the other cherub on the other end: even of the mercy seat shall ye make the cherubims on the two ends thereof. And the cherubims shall stretch forth their wings on high, covering the mercy seat with their wings, and their faces shall look one to another; toward the mercy seat shall the faces of the cherubims be.(25:17-20)

And he made the mercy seat of pure gold: two cubits and a half was the length thereof, and one cubit and a half the breadth thereof. And he made two cherubims of gold, beaten out of one piece made he them, on the two ends of the mercy seat; One cherub on the end on this side, and another cherub on the other end on that side: out of the mercy seat made he the cherubims on the two ends thereof. And the cherubims spread out their wings on high, and covered with their wings over the mercy seat, with their faces one to another; even to the mercy seatward were the faces of the cherubims.(37:6-9)

And these:

And thou shalt make a candlestick of pure gold: of beaten work shall the candlestick be made: his shaft, and his branches, his bowls, his knops, and his flowers, shall be of the same. And six branches shall come out of the sides of it; three branches of the candlestick out of the one side, and three branches of the candlestick out of the other side: Three bowls made like unto almonds, with a knop and a flower in one branch; and three bowls made like almonds in the other branch, with a knop and a flower: so in the six branches that come out of the candlestick. And in the candlesticks shall be four bowls made like unto almonds, with their knops and their flowers. And there shall be a knop under two branches of the same, and a knop under two branches of the same, and a knop under two branches of the same, according to the six branches that proceed out of the candlestick. Their knops and their branches shall be of the same: all it shall be one beaten work of pure gold. (25:31-36)

And he made the candlestick of pure gold: of beaten work made he the candlestick; his shaft, and his branch, his bowls, his knops, and his flowers, were of the same: And six branches going out of the sides thereof; three branches of the candlestick out of the one side thereof, and three branches of the candlestick out of the other side thereof: Three bowls made after the fashion of almonds in one branch, a knop and a flower; and three bowls made like almonds in another branch, a knop and a flower: so throughout the six branches going out of the candlestick. And in the candlestick were four bowls made like almonds, his knops, and his flowers: And a knop under two branches of the same, and a knop under two branches of the same, and a knop under two branches of the same, according to the six branches going out of it. Their knops and their branches were of the same: all of it was one beaten work of pure gold. (37:17-22)

And it's very tempting to keep going, but you get the idea. Trust me, it's all like that. This might be the earliest recorded example of a Find and Replace.

Between the Golden Calf and the Ark of the Covenant, there is an awful lot of gold floating around this band of ex-slaves. I couldn't figure where it had come from, but Google tells me they stole it from the Egyptians back in Chapter 10. Which I read in October. Man, this procrastination thing is not working nearly as nicely as I thought it might.

Anyway, that's the end of Exodus! The Israelites build the Ark, and God blesses it and hangs around as a pillar of cloud or fire. I thought about doing an Exodus retrospective, like with Genesis, but until the Israelites get to their (currently occupied by Canaanites minding their own business) Promised Land, the story just doesn't feel finished.

So! I will do a retrospective at the end of the Pentateuch. Next up, Leviticus! Which as far as I can tell is just a very long list of arbitrary rules, so I will be powering through at LIGHTNING SPEEDS. I will read NINE chapters a week and tell you all about the best/worst/silliest rules of the lot. Should be fun!

As an apology for taking half a year to read one measly book, have a nine minute beat poem by Tim Minchin. If you are a fan of this blog you will almost certainly love it.

The Golden Calf; or, Moses checks out God's ass

When we left off, God had just finished handing Moses the Ten Commandments, after spending a month or two describing exactly how to take care of them. The People have worked themselves into quite a panic, and their first thought is to make a golden calf and worship it. This has always confused me, since I was a child and first heard the story. What is going on in your mind where you think to make something yourself and then worship it? Surely you know it's not a god if you yourself have made it! It's not like it's a pre-existing god and they just made a statue of it so they had something to bow down to. As far as I can tell, they made it up and then started worshipping it.

But it's even worse than the version I had as a child, because once they've made it Aaron goes, "These are thy gods, O Israel, which brought thee up out of the land of Egypt."

What.

Seriously, what are you thinking? You JUST made it. It didn't EXIST when you were leaving Egypt. Man, I am starting to see why God hates idols so much, they are clearly a very difficult habit to break.

So, yeah, God is pissed. In the kids' Bible I had, Moses just shouts at them and makes them drink Golden Calf Dust Water as punishment. We don't really get God's reaction, which unsurprisingly is to kill everyone. Moses talks him out of it by appealing to his sense of embarrassment: Those Egyptians are totally gonna talk smack about God if he annihilates all the people he went to such roundabout lengths to free.

Moses also reminds God of his promise to multiply the progeny of Abraham, which he still hasn't really made good on, and "Jehovah repented of the evil which he said he would do unto his people."(32:14) So God is a) capable of evil and b) capable of changing his mind. How is this an omniscient being of pure good again?

FUN FACT: The ten commandments are double sided! Now You Know!

Moses gets back to camp and witnesses the sin for himself, which really sets him off. So he calls for all the men still loyal to the Lord, and all the sons of Levi show up. Then they slaughter 3,000 of their kinsmen (you may recall their patriarch was somewhat fond of slaughter). I guess this can't be everybody else, because then only one of the twelve houses of Israel would remain? Also, I am really confused as to why the sons of Levi are doing so well for themselves, when on his deathbed Levi's father JacobIsrael cursed his progeny to be divided and scattered.

Hoping 3,000 lives will be enough, Moses begs God to forgive the surviving Israelites, which he does...kind of? He says he will blot out of his book any who have sinned against him. This seems to be everyone except for Moses, and maybe Moses' second-in-command Joshua, who I think was waiting for him by the Mount the whole time. It certainly does NOT include Aaron, God's High Priest, but Aaron doesn't get fired or anything. Aaron's defense to this point has been along the lines of, "Jeez, calm down. What happened was, the people said they wanted an idol, so I told them to make one without any argument or discouragement on my part whatsoever." Because I guess it's not his job as High Priest to give them any kind of moral guidance whatsoever.

The last line of Chapter 32 is "And Jehovah smote the people, because they made the calf, which Aaron made." So, yeah, that seems pretty definitive, but it can't possibly include everyone. This is where some detail would be nice, Exodus!

In Chapter 33, God visits the people and communes with Moses in a super special Tent, because everyone else is so stiffnecked that God's presence will kill them instantly. God and Moses chat like old chums, face to face, but Moses wants God to reveal to him all his glory; this kind of feels like a G-rated version of the myth of Semele. God thinks of an ingenious loophole, which basically amounts to "Okay, you close your eyes, and then I'll walk by and cover you with my hand so you don't see anything, and then you look up and check out my back as I leave." That's God for you-you hate to see him go, but love to watch him leave.